BRYCE JACOBS

I was born in Sydney, Australia. My parents broke up when I was three months old, so it was me and my mom growing up. My dad lived in Sydney and we lived out in the suburbs, so it was about an hour drive away and he'd pick me up every other weekend. My grandparents were a huge part of my life. My grandfather, who was actually American, was one of the best men I've ever known. Unfortunately, I lost him when I was nine. But those years I had were very special. Music was always a huge part of my life, and listening to it would get me through some hard times as a kid. I started playing guitar at 11. The first time I ever played in front of anyone was when I was 12, I played “Stairway to Heaven”. It was funny because my dad, brother, mother and grandma (mother's mother) were there. It was all extremely tense between my mom, dad and grandma at that time. But that first performance went great! And as a byproduct, they all forgot themselves and were talking and smiling. It made me realize the power of music, and the power of music in my life. My love for music led me to attain a bachelor’s in Music Performance, focusing on guitar. 18 months later, I went on to a master’s in Music Composition (which included a guitar I designed). Doing the degree was largely inspired by an A list music supervisor in L.A. who had heard my music and said, “have you ever considered writing music for movies?” That was on my first visit to L.A. I spent some time touring all around the UK and Australia with a singer-songwriter. It was high profile work and even had us playing festivals like Glastonbury. But ultimately, I became unhappy. I felt more and more drawn to film music. Not long after I'd finished the touring work, my 17 year old cousin slipped and fell in front of a train. I went from being so excited for her life ahead, to the fact she no longer has that, but I’m still here. That really gave me the fire to pursue L.A. as a film composer. I thought, for as long as I have life, I have choices. I have whatever path I choose to follow with enthusiasm and determination and God's guidance.

When I came to LA, I spent a month just trying to talk to anyone that would talk to me, which led to a two month internship. But my tourist visa was running out. I had my grandfather's 1942 St. Jude prayer card and every night I’d get down on my knees and pray. On the 89th day of my 90-day visa waiver, 5 hours before getting on the plane, I landed the job at the composer studio. That day also happened to be the anniversary of my grandfather's death. So there were a lot of stars aligning on that. I went home, packed up everything, and my wife and I came over here to completely start again. We’ve built our life here now, and discovering Bel Air Church in 2012 was literally a Godsend. In the midst of L.A., it had God at its heart, not Hollywood. But in recent years, there have been some acutely confronting challenges. I had a series of operations related to performance injuries and I was given opioids. Slowly, these drugs became like a weed that began to grow around me. And by 2020, my tolerance was through the roof. I went to a pain management specialist to try and get away from the opioids in a sensible way, but not only did the scripts keep getting filled, he gave me more and more. At that point, I got good at shaping the truth, and lying to myself. Eventually I was taking something like 24 times the daily amount. It was changing me. I had mood swings and was a lot more abrupt. My young daughter noticed it too. I became very hard to be around. Never anything bad, but just not being the father I should be (let alone husband). When I would try and get off them, the depression really kicked in and it was as if the drug was saying, “Look how bad you are without me”. It became personified. The thoughts were constantly, “you don't even deserve to be taking up space on this planet”, “your kids deserve a better father”, “your wife deserves a better husband.” I would pray to God, but I felt that I wasn't worthy of praying. I thought, “if I'm not doing anything for my situation, why should I be asking God to clean up the mess?” I know that isn’t biblical, but those were the kinds of lies I was believing because of the guilt.

One day I woke up and I had this really sharp moment. A thought came to my mind of my daughters, all grown up and their future weddings. “I just wish I could have walked them down the aisle”. That hit me hard. I'd already resigned myself to the fact that it's me and the addiction. And I got to the point where I accepted that I'd either be dead or they'd hate me. I was so shocked that that's how far gone I was. It was a blessing that thought was put in my mind, because it started a chain reaction in the right way. I tried to get into a rehab program in 2021 and they were all filled. I realized then that you only need to be human to be a candidate for addiction. I was able to find a place in the UCLA Intensive Outpatient Program - the catalyst for truly getting through this. Shortly after, I had to have neck surgery and my wife and I told the doctors that I didn’t want any scripts for pain meds. I’d come too far. After going through that big surgery and being able to walk away from it without needing them, it was some positive reinforcement. I feel like I've been getting back to me. And the more I do, the more I realize how far I could have fallen. I could have lost my life and everyone and everything in it. I’m thankful that even though I felt like I turned my back on God and I wouldn’t admit that I had a problem, He has always been there knocking, waiting for me to let Him back in. I’ve learned you need to put the shame and guilt aside as you rebuild, extending yourself the same grace God would. Otherwise, there’s no way you can heal. At the same time, the need for connecting with people who can offer you love and support. My wife has been incredibly supportive beyond words. And many at Bel Air Church were remarkable, while praying prayers I didn’t even know I needed. The value of one life is no less or more than another’s, and this also applies to yours. Every life is as valuable as another and deserves meaning… if you pursue it.

- Bryce

Click the link in our bio to watch Bryce’s reimagining of Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel”, originally inspired by the overdose of a musician in the 90’s.